I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again. And Again.

In the past 12 years, I have helped 100s of people feel better about themselves — physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m now owning the fact that in this hue-man meat suit called Theresa, I’ve got me some mad skills, divine gifts, charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent!


Some have been my clients, most are friends, and some were strangers who needed guidance in the moment and I was there to support them. That’s how I roll.

And I now innerstand that this is why I am here playing hue-man Theresa on earth in this now.


What you may not know is that after a 25-year career as a journalist, I’ve self-published two books — one on my 100lb weight loss journey and the fake ‘phood’ industry, the other on how I came to feel self love and why most people don’t (both available at completelynovel.com or in download from here).


I became a YMCA-certified personal trainer and wellness coach, helping women over 40 focus on detox and mindset to lose weight — because dieting doesn’t work.


I became a reflexologist and upgraded the skills I learned by using my own divine gifts to not only feel through my hands what’s going on in the body, but to ‘see’ emotions through the feet (this is not something that is taught by the way... #facts).


Because of the feet/emotion thing, I became obsessed with how to play with energy (because EVERYTHING is energy), so I became a certified Reiki Seichem, EFT and Ho’oponopono practitioner, thinking in my head that I needed the certificates and diplomas to prove that I could tap into what I already knew.


When I finally gave myself permission to just BE me, I real-eyes-d that I’m also (and have always been) intuitiveAF. This is why I just KNOW what the person who asks for my help needs in the moment.


However, getting to this place of BEing HAS NOT been an easy ride.


Far fkn from it!

For decades — yes, decades — I suffered from mental illness, severe depression and self hatred, even attempting to end it all a couple of times in my 20s. By the time I was 30, I masked all my internal pain with recreation drugs and bingeing with alcohol EVERY SINGLE DAY.


I also suffered with seven years of chronic fatigue after a debilitating bout of glandular fever, had all kinds of other illnesses on top of that, was clinically obese with hypertension and type 2 diabetes, and had social anxiety, but covered all that physical, emotional and spiritual pain with a smile on my big fat face.


All because I was conditioned to believe that I had to do everything on my own. I couldn’t see that people need people to help them out of the struggles that they’re fighting in their heads, because I was programmed to believe that asking for help made me weak — a low vibrational energy I carried around even when I asked for help.


And then last year, I really hit rock bottom. After being triggered by the seemingly innocuous question, “Where do you live?”


You see, technically I’ve had no ‘home’ for seven years and have spent most of that time living out of suitcases. There’s another long story of why that is, but I have come to enjoy my nomad life, although the shame I felt when someone asked “Where do you live?” hit me like a ton of bricks.


It was during a particular hostel stay and I was worried about how I was going to eat after using the money I had left on the key and security deposit. As the universe would have it, breakfast was included, so I wouldn't starve, but I also wouldn’t be eating what I would have chosen to eat, and would have to share space with young, rowdy and hungover kids. And although I don’t consider myself an old 55, I felt ancient amongst this crowd who didn’t get me at all (I had fun interactions with the staff though and did end up making another great friend who was in the same predicament).


I found myself feeling stuck, real-eyes-ing that all of the spiritual help, guidance and ‘working on myself’ over the years hadn’t done jackshit for me in the land of 3D. I mean, it’s all well and good discovering and re-membering who it is you truly are (a multidimensional soul being having a once-in-a-lifetime ride in a unique, but linear, meat suit), but all that 5D and above stuff doesn’t help here where gravity keeps us grounded to earth.


And if you’re wondering what I mean by 5D, then stay tuned.


No-thing outside of me worked until I flipped the switch and looked within to decide what it was that I really wanted. And then set the intention to go for it, no matter what anyone else thought or said.


I did this because:

a) I innerstood that there really was no other option left and

b) I knew it had to work out because when I made the intention, an opportunity arose that I knew I couldn’t pass up, which turned out to be possibly the best decision I’ve ever made by leading me to innerstand why I do what I do.


So why am I sharing this? To let you know that ALL of it happened in collaboration with others. There was no way I would ever have worked it out on my own, which had been my previous modus operandi from as far back as when I was three and taught myself how to read because it was better for me to learn that way than for my mother to read to me. I can also vividly remember my first editor’s job on a major music magazine in London and having staff that, although enthusiastic at their jobs, weren’t into the perfection aspect of getting the work done and I would end up redoing a lot of their work and putting in many (unpaid) hours in overtime so that I could be proud of what landed on the newsstands and not have to put up with the wrath of the publisher.


Of course, I was still scared to really put my stuff out there to my soul aligned clients (will they even like it?) and nervous about showing up on IG Lives (will anybody watch? OMG everyone can see the big line down my forehead!), but I have decided to just be ME. Because that’s the path of least resistance.


Everyone else is taken and I’ve had enough of doing that fitting into someone else’s standard of what I‘m ‘supposed to be’ anyway.


#thisishowweselflove


I have invested $10,000s in my personal/spiritual/business development (because they really are all the same) to get here. Less than $10k of that was actually helpful, because I spent so much energy judging myself harshly for my ‘failure’ of not having a successful multimillion dollar business. For not having a waiting list of clients wanting to play with me. For always living in survival mode.


The shame went so much deeper than that.


Into illusions.


I started this path of awakening because I can remember walking down Borough High Street in London 8 years ago and being overcome by an uneasy feeling as if I had been hit in the chest. I remember hearing a whisper say “Is this it?” I was living with the love of my life, had a decent place to live, was working freelance for great money and had holidays when I wanted, but still that unease wouldn’t shift. Until I did the unthinkable for most and walked out of that life and security with nothing but a suitcase and nowhere to go because I just knew there was something more.

But in that moment I started to learn. I began my journey of healing that still continues to this day. I am still a work in progress.


And I am simply BEing me.


Learning to live and love from my heart. Leaning into who my soul wants me to be.


BEing still enough to listen.

So now that I’ve helped 100s, it’s time to up my game to help 1000s.


If you’re suffering, then ffs do something about it. I wasted so many years not doing something, simply existing and not living. If I had known then what I know now...


So here I am, gently urging you to consider why you want to continue to torture yourself when the life you really want is waiting for you on the other side of your fear, your False Evidence Appearing Real. The universe is a big giant entity of love that only wants to give you what you want. It is always on your side. It always has your back. But you need to tune into its energy, just like tuning into the correct frequency of the radio station you want to listen to. #oldskool


A new era is upon us and unless you want to continue doing the same things, then make a choice to choose YOU above all else. To re-member your own frequency.


The frequency you were tuned into when you came to this earth.

I SEE you and I LOVE you.









©2020 Quantum Renaissance Collective by Theresa Fowler.

Photography by Abby Wilkes Photography